How to have a terrible morning, in 10 easy steps:


In case you’ve ever been having a perfectly decent morning, and were wondering how you might be able to completely ruin it, I put together this list.

How to have a terrible morning, in 10 easy steps:

1) Remember that your son has a doctor’s appointment you had previously forgotten about.

2) On your way to pick up your son, swerve to avoid hitting a neighborhood dog that has managed to shake loose from it’s owner’s house.

3) Drive your son to the wrong doctor’s office.

4) Reschedule for 3.5 months from now because that’s all they have available.

5) Take your son back to school, and sheepishly avoid all the questions from the front office about why he’s back so quickly.

6) Spot the dog you almost hit earlier, chase it for 45 minutes in an attempt to be a decent human being.

7) Lose sight of the dog.

8) Wreck your car into a brick divider, tearing off your bumper, because you tried to dial animal control before the car was in park.

9) Have your neighbor, who spends his mornings freestyle rapping and practicing throwing ninja stars at a palm trees, look at you like YOU’RE the clueless asshole.

10) While laying on your back in the driveway, pulling shattered headlight glass and twisted bits of plastic and metal from your car’s undercarriage, have the stray dog wander up, sit down next to you, and give you the same look that your ninja-star tossing neighbor gave you five minutes earlier.

So, there you have it. If things are ever going really well for you, and you just want to pump the breaks and humble yourself while also digging a small financial hole, and making sure your kids’ medical needs aren’t met in a timely manner, this should serve as a decent guide.

Love you guys, and would rather have a bad day in this family than a good day anywhere else.



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