I Love Your Mom More Than I Love You

Audrey Rae, Braxton, and Charlotte-

I love your mom more than I love you. There, I said it.

Okay, that’s probably a weird thing to say, especially because I am of the opinion that either you actively love someone or you don’t, I’m not sure you can really be “sort of” sacrificial toward others, so let me explain.

Just this morning, we were all getting ready for the day. Your mom was taking the three of you to a women’s Bible study, while I was heading into the office. While we were packing things up, Audrey Rae asked a simple question: “Can I bring a blanket to keep me warm in the car?”

I responded, “Sure, sweetheart, no problem.”

But, your mom stepped in, “No, she cannot.”

A lot of things could have happened at that point. I could have argued. I could have insisted that you, Audrey Rae, just wanted to be warm on a cold day. I could have made all sorts of statements to try and get you a blanket.

But I didn’t.

I didn’t because I know and love your mother. She’s not cruel, in fact, she’s loving and caring. I know she wants what’s best for you, I know that she doesn’t do things without good reason. I know that, above all, she loves you deeply, and if she doesn’t think you should have your blanket, then you shouldn’t have your blanket.

So, instead, I just said, “Oh, my fault, Audrey Rae, you can’t have a blanket, sorry.” (Turns out you had already asked this question and the only blanket you wanted to bring was dirty. You had refused all the others.)

Kids, I have seen so many families in which one parent is completely wrapped around the finger of the children, and the other parent is left completely without authority. In situations like this, the children start making the rules, and immaturity, selfishness, and stubbornness abound.

There may be times when you want something, but your mother doesn’t approve. I will (nearly) always side with your mother. We have agreed on always being a united front to raise you, and never letting you think that if one of us says “no”, that you can just go ask the other for permission. Now, there may be times that I debate your mom on your behalf, or that she debates me for your sake, but these things will always come when her and I are alone.

Think of it this way: in the game of parenting, your mother is my teammate, you three are not. Consider yourselves the ball, and the end zone is a successful, Christ-like, adult life. Our singular goal is to work together as a team to get you to that end zone.

You mother and I will always support one another over you three. Not because you’re not important to us, but because of how indescribably important you are to us. We want nothing more than for you three to always view us as a single, united force of love, discipline, and parenting.

Jacqui1

So, you guys will never win in a battle of making me choose between you and your mom.

Your mom, your beautiful, loving, caring, capable, intelligent, and stellar parenting mom, will always be the one I stand with.

But make no mistake, we both love all three of you to the ends of the Earth. I just love your mom more.

1 Corinthians 1:4

            Dad

Steve's Letters

SRValdez View All →

Christian, husband, father, and pastor. Also a proud and dedicated nerd. One of the dads at TheDadLetters.com and author of TheLivesIHaveLived.wordpress.com.

Acts 20:24

28 Comments Leave a comment

  1. Great post, good point, I couldn’t agree more and love the way you put it. We are guilty at times of jumping the gun and letting the kid get what they want without first finding out why the other refused. It happens, I tend to say let me talk to your mom first now.

  2. After reading your posts (especially this one) I have a few questions that are a little personal (they are about my husband and son) so if you could email me or tell me if there’s some privite measage thing on here (I’m new please don’t judge me lol) that would be great !

  3. It was brave of you to say it as people get sensitive about these things. Everyone is supposed to love their children and their mates more than themselves, but to bring this up in this light made it clear that there are different goals and loyalties. If they are kept in order everyone will receive all the love they could ever want.

  4. This is absolutely perfect. I wish there are more parents like you and your lovely wife out there. By loving your wife more means your family gets stronger which leads to more love for your children as well as happiness.

  5. That is certainly wise. As a daughter, I assure you that I would rather feel the short-lived hurt over having my parents “gang up” against me than watch them disagree because of me. My parents used to be rather strict, and that’s honestly okay. But the few times my parents exchanged words in front of us, their kids, I wanted to cut my ears off.

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