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Christian, husband, father, and pastor. Also a proud and dedicated nerd. One of the dads at TheDadLetters.com and author of TheLivesIHaveLived.wordpress.com. Acts 20:24

I Love Your Mom More Than I Love You

Audrey Rae, Braxton, and Charlotte-

I love your mom more than I love you. There, I said it.

Okay, that’s probably a weird thing to say, especially because I am of the opinion that either you actively love someone or you don’t, I’m not sure you can really be “sort of” sacrificial toward others, so let me explain.

Just this morning, we were all getting ready for the day. Your mom was taking the three of you to a women’s Bible study, while I was heading into the office. While we were packing things up, Audrey Rae asked a simple question: “Can I bring a blanket to keep me warm in the car?”

I responded, “Sure, sweetheart, no problem.”

But, your mom stepped in, “No, she cannot.”

A lot of things could have happened at that point. I could have argued. I could have insisted that you, Audrey Rae, just wanted to be warm on a cold day. I could have made all sorts of statements to try and get you a blanket.

But I didn’t.

I didn’t because I know and love your mother. She’s not cruel, in fact, she’s loving and caring. I know she wants what’s best for you, I know that she doesn’t do things without good reason. I know that, above all, she loves you deeply, and if she doesn’t think you should have your blanket, then you shouldn’t have your blanket.

So, instead, I just said, “Oh, my fault, Audrey Rae, you can’t have a blanket, sorry.” (Turns out you had already asked this question and the only blanket you wanted to bring was dirty. You had refused all the others.)

Kids, I have seen so many families in which one parent is completely wrapped around the finger of the children, and the other parent is left completely without authority. In situations like this, the children start making the rules, and immaturity, selfishness, and stubbornness abound.

There may be times when you want something, but your mother doesn’t approve. I will (nearly) always side with your mother. We have agreed on always being a united front to raise you, and never letting you think that if one of us says “no”, that you can just go ask the other for permission. Now, there may be times that I debate your mom on your behalf, or that she debates me for your sake, but these things will always come when her and I are alone.

Think of it this way: in the game of parenting, your mother is my teammate, you three are not. Consider yourselves the ball, and the end zone is a successful, Christ-like, adult life. Our singular goal is to work together as a team to get you to that end zone.

You mother and I will always support one another over you three. Not because you’re not important to us, but because of how indescribably important you are to us. We want nothing more than for you three to always view us as a single, united force of love, discipline, and parenting.


So, you guys will never win in a battle of making me choose between you and your mom.

Your mom, your beautiful, loving, caring, capable, intelligent, and stellar parenting mom, will always be the one I stand with.

But make no mistake, we both love all three of you to the ends of the Earth. I just love your mom more.

1 Corinthians 1:4


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28 Comments on “I Love Your Mom More Than I Love You”

  1. KayJay December 16, 2014 at 1:52 pm #

    I love this! I have often said i love my husband more than our kids, but its more of a different kind of love. You explained it perfectly 🙂

    • SRValdez December 16, 2014 at 2:00 pm #

      Thanks, KayJay, I appreciate the feedback!

  2. Disasters of a Twenty-Something December 16, 2014 at 1:55 pm #

    This is exactly how my parents looked at me and my two brothers and I think it’s the best way to be!

    • SRValdez December 16, 2014 at 2:01 pm #

      Let’s hope so, haha! Thanks, Disasters!

  3. Brian Scott December 16, 2014 at 2:25 pm #

    Great post, good point, I couldn’t agree more and love the way you put it. We are guilty at times of jumping the gun and letting the kid get what they want without first finding out why the other refused. It happens, I tend to say let me talk to your mom first now.

    • SRValdez December 16, 2014 at 2:34 pm #

      That’s a smart way to go about it, Brian.

  4. litanilitani December 16, 2014 at 8:39 pm #

    I feel so blessed when i read it. May God bless you, and your wife, and your 3 precious more and more

    • SRValdez December 16, 2014 at 9:49 pm #

      Thank you, LitaniLitani 🙂

  5. lapetitefille December 16, 2014 at 9:34 pm #

    Well said. It is true that a man shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh. ^_^

  6. lapetitefille December 16, 2014 at 9:35 pm #

    I hope you won’t mind. I wish to reblog this.

    • SRValdez December 16, 2014 at 9:50 pm #

      Not at all, thanks for sharing!

  7. lapetitefille December 16, 2014 at 9:36 pm #

    Reblogged this on nicacanwrite and commented:
    I’m not a parent. But I feel that every parent should be this way. 🙂 Prioritize God, then your spouse and your kids come last.

  8. buriedaliveinpieces December 17, 2014 at 4:22 am #

    Reblogged this on buriedaliveinpieces.

  9. kateoforiattah December 17, 2014 at 5:02 am #

    Hehehe…there can be no other ways kids. When y’all long left the nest, dad stays with me…for life. A great read

  10. aspenbrianaa December 17, 2014 at 5:24 am #

    After reading your posts (especially this one) I have a few questions that are a little personal (they are about my husband and son) so if you could email me or tell me if there’s some privite measage thing on here (I’m new please don’t judge me lol) that would be great !

    • SRValdez December 17, 2014 at 8:25 am #

      Of course!

  11. Inside a dog's heart December 17, 2014 at 7:04 am #

    It was brave of you to say it as people get sensitive about these things. Everyone is supposed to love their children and their mates more than themselves, but to bring this up in this light made it clear that there are different goals and loyalties. If they are kept in order everyone will receive all the love they could ever want.

    • SRValdez December 17, 2014 at 8:25 am #

      So true!

  12. Jen Nifer December 17, 2014 at 9:01 am #

    Reblogged this on Jen Cab.

  13. michelleat26 December 17, 2014 at 7:08 pm #

    I love your honesty and your loving words about your wife. It shows what kind of a man you are. Your kids are lucky to have you as their dad.

    • SRValdez December 19, 2014 at 11:40 am #

      Thanks, Michelle 🙂

  14. ItalianHurricane December 18, 2014 at 3:20 pm #

    LOVE IT!!! The perfect balance to maintain after babies are born. Nothing to add!

  15. Beatriz Dorenburg December 19, 2014 at 7:48 am #

    The right words expressing the right ideas! Great! Thank you!

  16. Crzy Creations December 24, 2014 at 7:52 am #

    This is too cute. Your wife is very lucky, not just because you support her,but because you have no problem shouting out to the world that you love her. Incredible!

  17. delkisilva December 25, 2014 at 8:37 pm #

    This is absolutely perfect. I wish there are more parents like you and your lovely wife out there. By loving your wife more means your family gets stronger which leads to more love for your children as well as happiness.

  18. homeboundlaine January 16, 2015 at 7:45 am #

    That is certainly wise. As a daughter, I assure you that I would rather feel the short-lived hurt over having my parents “gang up” against me than watch them disagree because of me. My parents used to be rather strict, and that’s honestly okay. But the few times my parents exchanged words in front of us, their kids, I wanted to cut my ears off.

  19. aug13df January 19, 2015 at 1:54 pm #

    I love my mom more than my sister


  1. The Dad Letters: Best of 2014 | The Dad Letters - December 28, 2014

    […] I Love Your Mom More Than I Love You- “I was so taken aback by this notion on my first read. How could you love anyone MORE than you love your kids? But then, I re-read it and it challenged me to consider a more holistic view of parenting. Plus, it has a great football analogy.” […]

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