I Wish I Was Single…?

Sons,

I’ve been married to your mother for eight years now, and sometimes I just wish I could be single again.

Don’t get me wrong— I love your mom. In fact, it’s because I love her that I’d do anything to get out of this relationship.

I feel like this is coming across the wrong way… hear me out.

Single people who are pursuing a mate have something that I, and every other married person on the planet needs— they have the desire and stamina to participate in “the chase.”

You see, one of the biggest problems with marriage is that the best way to maintain a healthy one is to continue to pursue the other person as if they haven’t yet uttered “till death do us part” in front of a room full of witnesses. The easiest trap to fall into as a betrothed citizen is to look at your significant other as a possession. You know you need to pursue their affection, but because it’s slipped into your mind that they’ll be there tomorrow regardless of whether it’s a day full of passion or boredom, you begin to wonder about the purpose of chasing something you already “have.”

Here’s the thing: You don’t have them. You never did. They’re a person, not a possession.

Some day you’ll go car shopping. You’ll feel the frustration of vehicles you desire being outside our price range. You’ll feel the excitement of test-driving what seems like the right vehicle for you. You’ll feel the anxiety of signing paperwork handcuffing you to a loan repayment. You’ll also know that the most valuable a car will ever be is the moment before you drive it off the lot. Somehow I got it in my head that married life was about trying to maintain the good times you had before the tuxedo and ring made it official, and if you do a good enough job maintaining, the marriage will “run smoothly.” When I was married, I was taking on a partner, not a Porsche, and that’s been the hardest thing to remember over the last eight years.

Here’s why I want to be single again, if only for a day. If I could capture that feeling, and just bottle the desire to pursue someone’s affections… to fight for their attention… to sacrifice for their satisfaction, if I could remember what it was like to be in the chase, I feel like I could bring that back into the relationship I have and be the partner your mom truly deserves. If I can manage to recall what it’s like to be single for a day, I know I can be happily married for a lifetime.

Love,

Dad