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Wyoming born. Arizona raised. Sports Reporter. Trying to live a life of gratitude. Not a fan of pineapples.

I Wish I Was Single…?

Sons,

I’ve been married to your mother for eight years now, and sometimes I just wish I could be single again.

Don’t get me wrong— I love your mom. In fact, it’s because I love her that I’d do anything to get out of this relationship.

I feel like this is coming across the wrong way… hear me out.

Single people who are pursuing a mate have something that I, and every other married person on the planet needs— they have the desire and stamina to participate in “the chase.”

You see, one of the biggest problems with marriage is that the best way to maintain a healthy one is to continue to pursue the other person as if they haven’t yet uttered “till death do us part” in front of a room full of witnesses. The easiest trap to fall into as a betrothed citizen is to look at your significant other as a possession. You know you need to pursue their affection, but because it’s slipped into your mind that they’ll be there tomorrow regardless of whether it’s a day full of passion or boredom, you begin to wonder about the purpose of chasing something you already “have.”

Here’s the thing: You don’t have them. You never did. They’re a person, not a possession.

Some day you’ll go car shopping. You’ll feel the frustration of vehicles you desire being outside our price range. You’ll feel the excitement of test-driving what seems like the right vehicle for you. You’ll feel the anxiety of signing paperwork handcuffing you to a loan repayment. You’ll also know that the most valuable a car will ever be is the moment before you drive it off the lot. Somehow I got it in my head that married life was about trying to maintain the good times you had before the tuxedo and ring made it official, and if you do a good enough job maintaining, the marriage will “run smoothly.” When I was married, I was taking on a partner, not a Porsche, and that’s been the hardest thing to remember over the last eight years.

Here’s why I want to be single again, if only for a day. If I could capture that feeling, and just bottle the desire to pursue someone’s affections… to fight for their attention… to sacrifice for their satisfaction, if I could remember what it was like to be in the chase, I feel like I could bring that back into the relationship I have and be the partner your mom truly deserves. If I can manage to recall what it’s like to be single for a day, I know I can be happily married for a lifetime.

Love,

Dad

 

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6 Comments on “I Wish I Was Single…?”

  1. Home That We Built June 6, 2014 at 9:45 am #

    Hm… A worthy reason to want to be single again, “if only for a day”. But you do realize that a human memory is a bucket with holes, so one inevitably wishes for more and again. In my marriage, I strain my brain to find new ways to please and entertain my Love from time to time, to break the routine. It helps a lot and pays back with weeks of mutual satisfaction, which basically is happiness. However, a day spent alone and /or away does give a fresh perspective 😉

    • ralphamsden June 6, 2014 at 9:47 am #

      Mutual satisfaction = happiness. Love that thought.

  2. movinginwithaboy June 7, 2014 at 1:30 am #

    I’m really glad you think it’s important to keep that feeling alive in a relationship – I can imagine that gets tricky particularly once baby comes along! X

  3. ralphamsden June 7, 2014 at 2:08 am #

    Reblogged this on ralphamsden and commented:

    My latest post for The Dad Letters. It was meant to be a guest blog for a smartphone dating app called Instamour, but after a few rounds of suggested edits and questions about whether or not a blog should have a thesis statement, I kindly withdrew my offer to write for the site and published it as a letter to my sons. I’m not sure what business I had writing for a dating website anyway- that’d be like asking Stephen Hawking to help you move into a second story apartment, but I still believe in the sentiments I expressed in this post. The more you pursue your significant other, the better your relationship.

  4. Melanie June 7, 2014 at 6:43 am #

    I agree maintaining a relationship takes a lot of work to keep things fresh and vibrant. But being single for a day wouldn’t help.

  5. Tempest Rose June 9, 2014 at 1:41 am #

    I love this post. I often find myself feeling the same way, and it’s comforting to know a man who wants to keep the spark.

    Also, I have nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award! I’m not really sure how it works on blogs that have more than one contributor, so as of now I am nominating the entire blog, but I am most familiar with your posts.
    I think this whole blog is wonderful — fun, serious, quirky, touching, all at the same time. All of your messages are very important, and I especially love your personal outlook on things.
    Check out what to do next here: http://wp.me/p374p6-WY

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