In my last letter, we established that you lead a rather princessy life. I could burn all the barbies and it wouldn’t make a dent.
So, let’s talk about Prince Charming.
You don’t need Prince Charming in your life but it is perfectly fine to want him. Herein lies the crux of the issue.
A need is anything required for you to live a healthy and fulfilled life. It is your responsibility to meet your needs and it falls on me to teach you how.
Let’s start with a simple example. You will never need a doughnut. Doughnuts are not essential to living a healthy life. What you need is lean meat, vegetables, fruit and a healthy smattering of grains (some may argue this last point).
Unfortunately, it gets more complicated.
You will never need a man to live a happy and fulfilled life. This is how feminists nail it regarding Prince Charming. To believe that you need a prince to sweep you into love and adventure is disempowering and juvenile at best. You can achieve this without the help of any man. You can stay single your whole life and live a happy and fulfilling life. Many would have you stop here. I won’t.
Embrace your desire. Desire a handsome, faithful, strong, funny and wise man who will sweep you into a life of adventure and romance.
Actually, I want you to take it a step further. This is important. I want you to act on that desire. Pursue it. Shake it loose from the fairytale dreamland in your head and make it a reality. Furthermore, never let somebody shame you for wanting this. Find that Prince Charming – not because you need him, but because you want him.
It’s taken me 33 years to understand the “good stuff” of love. It’s not found in the juvenile and co-dependent notion of needing that perfect soul mate to complete you. No matter what Jennifer Aniston and Mark Ruffalo say (that’s gonna date me by the time your read this), this notion is bullshit – never think otherwise.
No, the “good stuff” is found in desire, in the realm of wanting. So much better to be wanted than to be needed. When you find that prince, give him the gift of your desire, not your need.
Adeline, if I could go back and add something to my wedding vows, it would be this:
Tarah, I don’t need you. You don’t complete me. I am a complete person without you. I don’t need you to take care of me. In fact, I could live a happy and fulfilled life without you. But that isn’t why I am standing here today. I am standing here because I want you. Let’s have an adventure and grow old. I give you my desire, my love and my life as my greatest gift. I promise to pursue you, to hunt after your heart, to never give up the chase. Even when you are sick, beaten down and not able to reciprocate, I will still pursue. This is because my affections are not grounded in what you can give back – they are not grounded in a “need” for you. They spring from a deep place within. Tarah, I want you.
So there you have it my Little Bean. Let that desire for Prince Charming fill your heart. Don’t shoo it away. Don’t be frightened by it. Chase after it. Trust it.
It’s good, I promise.