About the Post

Author Information

Dad of a beautiful little girl. Husband to an amazing woman. Son and sibling of a perfectly weird and wonderful family.

Pray Away the Gay

Dear Malin Reese,

I see what you’re choosing to become and I won’t accept it. The sly smiles you give every female you both know and don’t know. You practically bit your upper lip and winked at the check-out girl while we were at Target tonight. Then, we loaded you into the car and that vile song “Same Love” by Macklemore was playing. You immediately fell into the rhythm of the song …and smiled again. By the way, we’re getting a new car in January and I want you to know we won’t be buying a goddamn hatchback Subaru. And another thing: When we were in that coffee shop in Ballard this weekend and the butch girl with the short hair, tattoos and hairy armpits sat down next to us, you should have noticed that I glared and looked at her with disgust until she got up and left. Instead, you sat there and smiled as you always do, condoning the fact that she is living a life in defiance of God. Hear me now; that devil woman better enjoy her time on Earth because she is going to spend Eternity in Hell. Malin Reese, I see what you’re choosing to become and I won’t accept it.

You are 10 months old in a couple days and unfortunately they don’t have any gay rehabilitation camps available for kids your age. Rest assured, I already have you on the waiting lists for the top five camps in the country and am petitioning to get you admitted as soon as possible. Malin Reese, I brought you into this world and I have a responsibility to keep you a normal, respectable woman. Until then, I’ll kneel next to your crib every night, clasp my hands tightly together and try my best to pray away the gay. Malin Reese, I see what you’re choosing to become and I won’t love you if you don’t choose to change course.

Regards,

Your Father

 Dear Malin Reese,

I chose to write this letter because I love you as a human being and you need to know that the person above will never exist in your life. No one chooses to be gay or straight. You’re born digging either female parts or man parts. I happen to like lady parts although due to my soft features and penchant for cardigans, I’ve oft been mistaken for the gay nanny when we are out together. Whatever you were born to be, just be that person. Who knows, maybe someday we’ll grab a beer and bond over the female form. And for the record, sweet, innocent, beautiful Malin Reese, I see the little person you’re becoming and I couldn’t be prouder.

Love,

Dad

Tags: , , , , , ,

6 Comments on “Pray Away the Gay”

  1. lokaline01 June 6, 2014 at 10:11 am #

    Was a bit scared reading this at first, I’m glad it ended the right way! 🙂

    • clindvall24 June 6, 2014 at 10:36 am #

      Thanks for reading through the whole post 🙂 I know the first part was a bit harsh.

      • lokaline01 June 6, 2014 at 10:49 am #

        I enjoyed it and that’s how some people think so it was worthwhile 🙂

  2. kitcatlucy December 28, 2014 at 2:04 pm #

    A great letter! I have had people ask in side glancing whispers, ‘what if she’s gay?” (speaking of my 5 yr old daughter, not sure why it’s worry for some of these people) You nailed my answer on the head. Instead of even saying anything, I should just print this out and hand it to them.

    • clindvall24 December 28, 2014 at 2:58 pm #

      Thanks again for reading! It truly baffles me why it would matter to people. If my daughter is kind to people and loves herself, that’s all I really care about. I do think it’s a bit telling that this letter was one of the least shared and commented on. I think it made some people uncomfortable 🙂

      • kitcatlucy December 28, 2014 at 3:12 pm #

        People can be so strange in their hangups

Share your thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: