You found a Sharpie.


Yesterday, during your eternal search for ways to emotionally break your mother and I, you found a Sharpie.

This isn’t the first time you’ve gone the permanent marker route whilst causing us grief, but it is the first time you’ve tried to change yourself into Spiderman by coloring your own face blue. One of the nice things about minimally progressing old crimes instead of trying new ones is that Google search is able to jump right in with previously searched options to save us a few seconds- which is no small thing when you’re at risk of having permanent ink set in that might make your toddler look like an Avatar midget.

Sharpie Search

I’m thankful for the internet- it’s comforting to know that people have enough Sharpie-related issues that the “Removal and Safety” portion on Wikipedia is BY FAR the most extensive section. I’m also thankful for the odd moments we get to spend with you by yourself, even if they are spent bribing you with marshmallows to hold still while we carefully rub alcohol-based products on your eyelids to reduce the dark stains to a nice light blue eyeshadow (which happens to compliment your already feminine eyelashes quite nicely).

All of the markers have been hidden, again. I’m sure you have a way of getting them if you want. You’re crafty like that. If you ever end up in prison, I’m sure you’ll be the go-to source of black market cigarettes and cell phones.

– Dad

P.S. I attached some of your “early work” in the event that you become a world-reknowned Sharpie graffiti artist.

November, 2012. You managed to make this beautiful mural while I was driving, without me noticing.
November, 2012. You managed to make this beautiful mural while I was driving, without me noticing.
January, 2013. You used a Sharpie to make yourself "Spiderman."
January, 2013. You used a Sharpie to make yourself “Spiderman.”

Ralph's Letters

ralphamsden View All →

Wyoming born. Arizona raised. Believer. Husband. Dad. Sports Reporter. Pineapple hater. Trying to live a life of gratitude.

3 Comments Leave a comment

  1. Here’s a story for you… I was having an organizational meeting with a group of mothers who were interested in signing their kids up for the pre-school I was starting. We were meeting in my living room. Several 3 year old boys and my 3 year old daughter were in my kitchen apparently drawing. About half an hour into the meeting, three boys came into the living room pulling a wagon in which my daughter sat. She was naked except for green marker all over her body. I wasn’t sure it boded well for my pre-school adventure!.. some of the mothers laughed, and some were a bit schocked..

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