Yesterday, during your eternal search for ways to emotionally break your mother and I, you found a Sharpie.
This isn’t the first time you’ve gone the permanent marker route whilst causing us grief, but it is the first time you’ve tried to change yourself into Spiderman by coloring your own face blue. One of the nice things about minimally progressing old crimes instead of trying new ones is that Google search is able to jump right in with previously searched options to save us a few seconds- which is no small thing when you’re at risk of having permanent ink set in that might make your toddler look like an Avatar midget.
I’m thankful for the internet- it’s comforting to know that people have enough Sharpie-related issues that the “Removal and Safety” portion on Wikipedia is BY FAR the most extensive section. I’m also thankful for the odd moments we get to spend with you by yourself, even if they are spent bribing you with marshmallows to hold still while we carefully rub alcohol-based products on your eyelids to reduce the dark stains to a nice light blue eyeshadow (which happens to compliment your already feminine eyelashes quite nicely).
All of the markers have been hidden, again. I’m sure you have a way of getting them if you want. You’re crafty like that. If you ever end up in prison, I’m sure you’ll be the go-to source of black market cigarettes and cell phones.
P.S. I attached some of your “early work” in the event that you become a world-reknowned Sharpie graffiti artist.