We have to work on your moves


We have to work on your moves.

We’re all out in the pool today, and your brother is completely fearless. He’s testing the laws of physics with each jack-knife, cannonball and tuck into the deep end of the pool. You, however, are repeating your timid bunny-hop onto the seated area at the deep end.

It’s common knowledge that the only way for an adolescent boy to get the attention of a young female in the scorching Arizona summers is with a stylish arsenal of tsunami-inducing dives. We might not be able to erase the fear that curbs poolside improvisation, but I think we can put in the serious work to have a couple of go-to moves to show all the other kids that you mean business.

I’m thinking a good pike, or maybe a twist… I don’t know, I’m open to ideas. The ultimate attention grabber would be to find a way to master the dreaded belly-flop without pain.

I know you might think this sounds silly, especially since my first attempt at a front flip in ten years earned a dirty look from your mother when she, and the book in her hand, were doused. That’s just it though- she looked. All you need is their attention. And what did she do next? She went right inside and made us all Spaghetti-O’s. Does that sound like the actions of an unimpressed female?

My front flip earned us that delicious meal.

You’re welcome,


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