That’s bullshit. You shouldn’t be cussing, period


I have to take the blame on this one. It’s just that you can click on the videos all by yourself, and sometimes I just need a moment or two of peace and quiet. Bottom line, you’re three, and you shouldn’t be navigating the internet dungeon that is Youtube.

Whoever dubbed over Dora the Explorer’s voice with every expletive known to man isn’t without fault in this scenario, but still, I should have been there to stop it at the first “do-do-do-do-do-douchebag,” and not let your mind be filled with three minutes and thirty-plus seconds of perversion.

Sidenote: Your mother and I shouldn’t have laughed hysterically the first ten times you dropped he f-bomb, only to put you in timeout on the 11th. That was our bad. I probably shouldn’t still be laughing. Sorry. I’ll stop now.

Look, you’re going to make some really important decisions about the way that you want to be perceived. The way you talk is at the pinnacle of that list of decisions. When you do know better, I really hope you don’t handicap yourself with a filthy mouth, or God forbid, a southern accent (kidding… sort of).

I really enjoy stand-up comedians. They swear sometimes, and the truth is most of them are fairly libertarian. I guess I am too. The best of us want people to just mind their own business, but for every one libertarian that’s fighting to champion privacy and good sense, there’s probably ten just trying to justify a repeated behavior that society frowns upon. Don’t get the two confused. People might tell you that they’re just empty words, but that’s bullshit. You shouldn’t be cussing, period.

If I have to give a reason besides “I’m your dad, and I said so,” I’ll go with the fact that it sounds uneducated and unnecessary. Be linguistically creative instead- give words that you wouldn’t normally use power by saving them for when you need them to have the most impact.

Until this letter matters to you, just listen to your mom. Don’t say words that she tells you are “bad,” and ignore us for a minute while we try to stop laughing.





  1. Damn right! I’m beside myself with glee that u are doing this. U are easily the funniest person I know and the rest of the world needs your thoughts in their life. I know it makes mine better:)

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